Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
