The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
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Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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