When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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