now i know why i became what i already was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
