We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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