I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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