morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
