Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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