I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
