My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
