If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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