I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
