Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My balls are so social today.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
