nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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