if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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