there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
