My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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