The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A bitchslap is in order.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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