It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
