If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i dont even know how to be here
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
