she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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