tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
its liver damage thursday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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