the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
