You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
