My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
