so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
