so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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