she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
