when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
