you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
