Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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