Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
