Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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