Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
