I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
