everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
