my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
