I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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