apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
