I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
