You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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