that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
