At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
