I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
