I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
