This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
