i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
