I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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