i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
