omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
