me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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