she kept yelling 'call me bella'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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