I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
