Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i will never coherently bang her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
