bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
