Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
