How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
