Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
