I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i think i just lost a toe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
