member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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