You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
