I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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