I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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