I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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