I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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