To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize