he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
