Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
