I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
