The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Alive.
So much puke
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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