i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
