If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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